Thursday, November 17, 2005

Deep Thoughts with Blue Crochet

Mock if you will, and you really just might. ;) These thoughts inspired by Dazed and Confused. I did hear the audible groan.

When did my life become, well, life? All of those things I wanted to be, all of those dreams, hopes, plans. How did it become this? I wouldn't have thought ever I'd be this at this age of my life. As a teenager I was convinced I'd be long gone, away at college, living in a loft-that I now know to be impossible to afford for a college freshman paying her way through college, pursuing all those things I'd always loved. Writing, drama, english, the written word. Poetry readings, coffee houses, obscure bands, and me reveling in my true self.

In actuality I graduated highschool dating a farmer (seriously, had you known me in high school, in spite of growing up in Iowa, this would've shocked the hell out of you) deciding to stay home, work in the same old retail world I'd lived in for the past four years, and pay my way through community college. Hell, it was better than student loan debt from a way too expensive school, right? Within the year the farmer was gone-really he was a great person we were just not meant to be together. My only regret is that I haven't really known him since and in that old cliched way I think we could've been great friends. I met Mr. Blue at a tedious telemarketer job-verification NOT sales *snicker. After a few trips to the track to run together he asked me to an REM concert. Kismet it was. My favorite band of all time, this gorgeously not quite Adonis man who'd ridden a skateboard and was completely himself, in spite of being popular and all that. As cheesy as it may sound, we really were meant for each other.

Instead of jaunting off to the loft to live a bohemianly poetic SOHO life, I stayed home, worked three jobs, and went to community college. I then dropped out of said college as to not lose my main job. I met Joe, fell in love, and that was that. We had our babies, lived our lives, and were just us. I've "found myself" in such a roundabout way, and really do love who I am-for the most part. I've waitressed, cleaned houses, and am now working as a supervisor for a rewarding job. It doesn't matter what I actually do, what matters is that I do the best at what I do. I've since published articles, acted in an independent film, built up a local music promotion business, learned to become a pr goddess, built up my yarnishness, and been more succesfull than I had imagined at the jobs I've been in. The most successful thing I've done is to the marry the man who is right for me and have these beautiful children who amaze me every single day. I've overcome things I couldn't have imagined and I absolutely love my life. It may not be the movie version of small town girl moves onto bigger world, but it is the real life version of small town girl becomes who she was meant to be and flaunts it in spite of all the bullshit. Who would've thought all those diary entries ago that just being me would be so...ordinary and great all at the same time?

Now I will end this sanctimonious bullshit to continue a hat I started for myself from Homespun. Night all.

P.S. To make my life complete Mallrats is on. True love I tell you.

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