| Some people... |
Just back from the school run where I got dirty looks and glares for where I dropped my youngest off at primary school. As with most schools, drop off and pick up times at our schools are crazy and the school tries to minimize the insanity by designating certain doors for certain groups. We are fortunate to have a few drive-through routes at our primary school. The side is used for Kindergarten-2nd, with a sort of separate area for K and the front of the building is designated for preschool, preK, and handicapped & special needs as it is closer to walk to and has lots of handicapped parking. I've been given permission to use it since the girls began going to school there for preschool.
During my healthier times I use the side drop-off, otherwise I use the front, especially for the youngest who is a bit of a lollygagger and easily distracted. This way I can pull up and drop him off and am able to see him walk to the door and into the school a few feet away. It also saves me having to get out and walk him up. If I do need to walk him in, it saves me a lot of walking and exertion that is better spent elsewhere and often is pretty painful for me.
Today I was in the lane dropping Col off and there were more than a few other parents using it due to cold and snow who would normally use the side lane so it was congested and backed up, but this is pretty normal. As I sat waiting to be able to pull out I had two women (other moms) walk out of the building look at the congestion, talk to each other and then begin glaring at various people, myself included. I happened to be straight in the line of fire, and I really do understand their frustration, especially when you have little children or special needs children and value that lane. I know that what to some may seem a small convenience it can be a HUGE help to others and save some steps and energy.
What gets me is how judgemental others can be, so focused on their own needs that they fail to realize that even though others may not appear to have limitations they just might. Unless you see me walking, and sometimes even when you do, you'd not really know I have a disease. You wouldn't see that I am not a healthy, able person. I get a lot of looks like the ones today.
I generally try to not use shortcuts, as if to prove I am able and that I can do it. I end up wasting energy and pushing myself far beyond my limits and half the time, its because of those looks. I don't want to be seen as using something others may need more than me. But, I do need those things and I end up hurting myself by pushing too far. I use the handicapped stall in the bathroom, I use the shorter lane at the school, I park as closely as possibly at stores and its not because I don't care that others may need it. It's because I need it, even if I don't appear to.
I know it won't stop and I also know I've found myself doing the same to others and I'd like to kick myself for it. How many times have I sat in judgement of someone using the same things and feeling as if I had more of a right to it? How many times have I been frustrated with someone for appearing to be healthy and able and using things they "shouldn't." I am more attuned to it, but if even those of us who are not able do it how can we expect those without an understanding of our limitations to do any differently? |
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| Wow. April was the last time I posted? |
Oh my. The absent blogger again returns. Le sigh.
Home desktop is online again, yay! I also have a fancy iPhone as well, so hopefully I will return a tad more often. Sheesh, even once a month would be good at this point.
Here's what's happened since April: family, work, church, family, work, church. I also have a new niece (Joe's brother & his girlfriend) and now my sister is expecting in June. YAY! We had everyone back for the holidays which was wonderful and now are settling into the post-holiday crash. My illness has been up and down, with a lot of downs. I have a new rheumatologist who I really like but have only seen once, I go back on the 11th. I am hopeful that he will be able to help me live to the fullest and not just try to treat the pain. For the first time ever I kept track of all the books I read in 2009. I made it to 198, including all the books of the Bible. It was really cool to see all I have read and thanks to some other voracious readers I am now on Goodreads.com (link to come when I am less lazy) and loving tracking the books I've read there. ESPECIALLY because more than a few times I've gotten books only to get a few pages in and realize I've already read them. I had hoped to make it to 200, since I was so close, but spent time with family instead. Next year maybe.
This year I am going to try Project365, although if my blog posting is any indication I might make it a month. Hoping to go through the year though!!!
It's good to be back. Aaaaaah.
Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, Merry Christmas and peace and love to you all. May you receive and recognize God's blessings throughout the year!!!! |
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| Here I am again! |
Obviously by my last posts things have been up and down for me and much of my energy is spent with the kids and the husband and at work, the rest is for things like showering and getting dressed and doing laundry. Otherwise I sleep or read or try to rest. Good times, good times.
I guess one of the better offshoots of my illness is that I've been forced to seriously focus on the important things and have to let the rest go. At this point it's family and work, and friends when I can. Good, but frustrating because I miss my friends! Also, I miss walking normally and my brain. Sigh lol. Actually the brain is still functioning at a pretty good rate and I am really, really, really, really thankful for that.
The home computers have been acting up so that limits the online time. The laptop is refusing to charge and the wireless doesn't like to pick up the signal from the room we call "my cave" where I do a lot of my convalescing. I've had to confront my internet addiction and not by choice *sob*
In better and more exciting news I FINALLY FOUND MY IPOD!!!! We had packed it away for the move and then it was not surfacing during the unpacking I've done. (Note that there is quite a bit of unpacking still to do, even though its been MONTHS AND MONTHS since we've moved. We're also those kind of people who still had unpacked boxes from the move previous to this one which had been 8 years before.)
So right now I am updating the Ipod and REALLY excited about it. Yeeeeehoooooooooo!!!!! I have missed you my little friend.
There goes the laptop charging again, that's it for now. |
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| It's April 4th |
and snow is in our forecast. Yesterday the kids were running around without even a jacket on. A few minutes ago a bird was chirping away outside.
Snow?
Thanks to a friend I was able to get everything done for work and now I have gotten to hole up in my house in comfy jammies all day. I finished reading the The Shack and I loved it.
The kids occasionally break out in fights and then I put them to work. If they have time to fight, they have time to clean. Ha Ha! On a funnier note, one of my kids is crawling/sneaking through the living room and thinks I don't know it. He just popped up and said "I'm funny." That he is. |
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The blogs have been few and far between for me, I seem to do more reading of others than posting on my own. Many times it is because I use much of my brain power at work and am too tired to try to get it revved up again. Others it is because my brain, hands, or body have decided not to work that day.
Today is a pain day. Not so long ago I prayed to God to allow my brain to continue to function, to be able to think and remember and retain that. I told God that the body could go but to allow my brain to remain as unaffected as possible. I was reminded of that prayer today as I am burdened with an overwhelming amount of pain. I had some inkling it was on the way yesterday when my skin hurt. I went to cross my legs and the contact stung. My clothes were unbearable and when I got home I couldn't find comfort in sitting or laying.
The night was rough and restless and it has continued into the day. I just hurt. A lot. This cold I have seems worse again today and this is a day where I am tested in trying to retain my humor and patience. I spent the day trying to rest and was able to sleep for a bit. I needed to get to work, to my kids, get things ready for the last of the midweek services tonight. The thought of just sitting up overwhelmed me. Walking to the bathroom would be painful as my legs tried to bend and the bottoms of my feet would ache as I stepped. I knew the water would hurt hitting my skin in the shower. Just this would leave me breathing heavy as if I had had a workout.
I'd still need to get dressed and into the car and off to the church. Once there would come more and just the physical part was intimidating.
Then my phone rang and it was my friend Laura. She was feeding my kids dinner and watching them until and through service and my husband could get there. I cried.
She admonished me to call when I needed help and to remember to keep people (friends) updated on how I was doing so they could help.
It's hard to accept that I am limited. All the things I want to write about this seem trite or cliched and nothing can capture that frustration adequately. I don't like not being able to do even simple things, I don't like not doing things I feel I should be doing. I don't like not being there when I am expected to be. I don't like needing help.
In all this I reminded of how fortunate I am to have God and friends and family who care and are here and want to help. This disease would be a lot worse for all of us-me, the kids, and the husband-without all of them. |
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| post from 1-21-09 |
I wrote the following on 1-21-09, but blogger was down for maintenance and I am finally getting around to adding it. :)
So, the brain is not working well again today. I am losing words and even forgetting what I am saying mid-sentence. *poof* it's just gone. It's hard to concentrate on anything or form thoughts, or really read anything. Gets frustrating.
I very much again wish I had the digital camera as yesterday I received a really cool gift. It's our last name, crocheted with crochet thread and it is beautiful. My friend had her sister make it and then she set it on black velvet and framed it. I was really overwhelmed by it, it is gorgeous and I was very touched by the gift. Can't wait to put it up on the wall in our newish house.
I am still around, still working with the yarn, and hoping to be able to think a little better tomorrow. |
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| You know what? |
I am actually still crocheting and knitting. You probably can't tell because I seem to barely post about it anymore.
I can't post pictures as the digital camera is suddenly not turning on. Need to contact Kodak as that sucker is just barely a year old. I was pretty bummed to be camera-less through the holidays.
So, I am slowly working on ponchos for the girls out of some super soft variegated yarn one purple, one pink, knitted. I was going to do the two panel style where you sew them together, but I might do the asymmetrical where you do one big rectangle and sew it up. I had made one of the purple panels for Abbie's but it is WAY WAY too small so I'll have to frog it and start over. I moved on and started a large rectangle for Arenne's as I didn't have the heart to immediately frog the purple.
Its slow going as my hands are not always wanting to work as they should, but I am plugging along. I am determined to keep going with the yarn fun for as long as I possibly can, and now I've decided I can call it therapy for the small motor skills. Tee Hee.
I've done a few dishcloths and now that its cold I can get back to the blanket for my sister. So, there it is folks, the yarn is still abundant in the Blue house (much to Mr. Blue's chagrin) and I am plodding along with it. |
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posted by Lisa at 
