Sunday, July 29, 2012

Another long absence...

At this point I'm fairly certain I'm the only one left reading this blog. That's okay though, if anything I enjoy reading back through it. It's like a scrapbook, although sporadic at times. So far its been a tough year, a year of unbelievable heartache and sadness, but also a year filled with joy and amazing blessings and beautiful moments.

 I've been to nine funerals this year. I've lost more than a few people who've meant a lot to me and to my family. Some were expected, as in lengthy illness, others seemed too sudden-like my cousin Mark. My grandpa and my aunt passed away within weeks of each other. There is so much loss, so much sadness. I've often felt drained, as if I have no more to give. I struggle with not being able to care for others and feeling as if I am losing my empathy. I miss them.

 In the midst of the bad, however, there has been so much good. I'm not sure I'm up to the task of putting it all into words, so you'll get my best efforts in this moment. I've seen more genuine love and care by so many people than I probably ever have in my life. I've watched our family and friends reach out and love each other, support each other, and laugh with each other. We've cried together, hugged each other, and worshiped God together.

I could honestly write books on each of the individuals who have passed away, on who they were and how they touched so many. My Grandpa Dick was a beautiful example of a husband, father, and grandfather. Someone who lived his faith daily in all the quiet, real ways we should and someone who gave us all an example of how to truly live. My Aunt Traci touched so many with the love of Christ, loving and leading others-and all of us-to truly know Him and to live and rejoice in His love and providence. She taught us to embrace our faith and be loved by God even when things are horrible and painful-to know that hope is always there. My cousin Mark was loved by so many people, he was a great friend and a wonderful father. So many people talk of how he was there for them, with a quiet word or funny joke.

This weekend a benefit concert street dance was held for Mark's kids. It was bittersweet. Amazing to see so many people come out in support-and those who really just came for the music ;) A ton of people worked hard to put this on and rocking bands entertained us. We had a blast. We missed Mark. We celebrated his life and danced and laughed. I'm so thankful to everyone who came out in support and so very, very blessed to have such a close, loving family to go through all this with.

 There is a lot more I could share, and some I'm not ready to yet, so I'll save it for later. Hopefully I won't be absent for as long this time. I will say trying to write a blog post on my phone or Kindle isn't quite as easy as computer-which I will hopefully have back up and running soon. Life has changed a lot on my end, I've worked hard at living healthier and have lost 65 pounds so far. I am now home taking care of my nephews and niece-as well as my own four-and having an absolute blast doing so. Its so much fun I can't believe I get paid for it. ;) I am still reading a whole bunch and knitting and crocheting as well-I definitely need to get some pics uploaded. I'm off for now, thanks if you're here reading this and welcome if its the first time you've read here. I apologize for my lack of posts, if you read back you'll realize that's a recurrent theme here.

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