Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Here I am again!

Obviously by my last posts things have been up and down for me and much of my energy is spent with the kids and the husband and at work, the rest is for things like showering and getting dressed and doing laundry. Otherwise I sleep or read or try to rest. Good times, good times.

I guess one of the better offshoots of my illness is that I've been forced to seriously focus on the important things and have to let the rest go. At this point it's family and work, and friends when I can. Good, but frustrating because I miss my friends! Also, I miss walking normally and my brain. Sigh lol. Actually the brain is still functioning at a pretty good rate and I am really, really, really, really thankful for that.

The home computers have been acting up so that limits the online time. The laptop is refusing to charge and the wireless doesn't like to pick up the signal from the room we call "my cave" where I do a lot of my convalescing. I've had to confront my internet addiction and not by choice *sob*

In better and more exciting news I FINALLY FOUND MY IPOD!!!! We had packed it away for the move and then it was not surfacing during the unpacking I've done. (Note that there is quite a bit of unpacking still to do, even though its been MONTHS AND MONTHS since we've moved. We're also those kind of people who still had unpacked boxes from the move previous to this one which had been 8 years before.)

So right now I am updating the Ipod and REALLY excited about it. Yeeeeehoooooooooo!!!!! I have missed you my little friend.

There goes the laptop charging again, that's it for now.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

It's April 4th

and snow is in our forecast. Yesterday the kids were running around without even a jacket on. A few minutes ago a bird was chirping away outside.


Thanks to a friend I was able to get everything done for work and now I have gotten to hole up in my house in comfy jammies all day. I finished reading the The Shack and I loved it.

The kids occasionally break out in fights and then I put them to work. If they have time to fight, they have time to clean. Ha Ha! On a funnier note, one of my kids is crawling/sneaking through the living room and thinks I don't know it. He just popped up and said "I'm funny." That he is.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

The blogs have been few and far between for me, I seem to do more reading of others than posting on my own. Many times it is because I use much of my brain power at work and am too tired to try to get it revved up again. Others it is because my brain, hands, or body have decided not to work that day.

Today is a pain day. Not so long ago I prayed to God to allow my brain to continue to function, to be able to think and remember and retain that. I told God that the body could go but to allow my brain to remain as unaffected as possible. I was reminded of that prayer today as I am burdened with an overwhelming amount of pain. I had some inkling it was on the way yesterday when my skin hurt. I went to cross my legs and the contact stung. My clothes were unbearable and when I got home I couldn't find comfort in sitting or laying.

The night was rough and restless and it has continued into the day. I just hurt. A lot. This cold I have seems worse again today and this is a day where I am tested in trying to retain my humor and patience. I spent the day trying to rest and was able to sleep for a bit. I needed to get to work, to my kids, get things ready for the last of the midweek services tonight. The thought of just sitting up overwhelmed me. Walking to the bathroom would be painful as my legs tried to bend and the bottoms of my feet would ache as I stepped. I knew the water would hurt hitting my skin in the shower. Just this would leave me breathing heavy as if I had had a workout.

I'd still need to get dressed and into the car and off to the church. Once there would come more and just the physical part was intimidating.

Then my phone rang and it was my friend Laura. She was feeding my kids dinner and watching them until and through service and my husband could get there. I cried.

She admonished me to call when I needed help and to remember to keep people (friends) updated on how I was doing so they could help.

It's hard to accept that I am limited. All the things I want to write about this seem trite or cliched and nothing can capture that frustration adequately. I don't like not being able to do even simple things, I don't like not doing things I feel I should be doing. I don't like not being there when I am expected to be. I don't like needing help.

In all this I reminded of how fortunate I am to have God and friends and family who care and are here and want to help. This disease would be a lot worse for all of us-me, the kids, and the husband-without all of them.