Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Here I am again!

Obviously by my last posts things have been up and down for me and much of my energy is spent with the kids and the husband and at work, the rest is for things like showering and getting dressed and doing laundry. Otherwise I sleep or read or try to rest. Good times, good times.

I guess one of the better offshoots of my illness is that I've been forced to seriously focus on the important things and have to let the rest go. At this point it's family and work, and friends when I can. Good, but frustrating because I miss my friends! Also, I miss walking normally and my brain. Sigh lol. Actually the brain is still functioning at a pretty good rate and I am really, really, really, really thankful for that.

The home computers have been acting up so that limits the online time. The laptop is refusing to charge and the wireless doesn't like to pick up the signal from the room we call "my cave" where I do a lot of my convalescing. I've had to confront my internet addiction and not by choice *sob*

In better and more exciting news I FINALLY FOUND MY IPOD!!!! We had packed it away for the move and then it was not surfacing during the unpacking I've done. (Note that there is quite a bit of unpacking still to do, even though its been MONTHS AND MONTHS since we've moved. We're also those kind of people who still had unpacked boxes from the move previous to this one which had been 8 years before.)

So right now I am updating the Ipod and REALLY excited about it. Yeeeeehoooooooooo!!!!! I have missed you my little friend.

There goes the laptop charging again, that's it for now.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

It's April 4th

and snow is in our forecast. Yesterday the kids were running around without even a jacket on. A few minutes ago a bird was chirping away outside.


Thanks to a friend I was able to get everything done for work and now I have gotten to hole up in my house in comfy jammies all day. I finished reading the The Shack and I loved it.

The kids occasionally break out in fights and then I put them to work. If they have time to fight, they have time to clean. Ha Ha! On a funnier note, one of my kids is crawling/sneaking through the living room and thinks I don't know it. He just popped up and said "I'm funny." That he is.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

The blogs have been few and far between for me, I seem to do more reading of others than posting on my own. Many times it is because I use much of my brain power at work and am too tired to try to get it revved up again. Others it is because my brain, hands, or body have decided not to work that day.

Today is a pain day. Not so long ago I prayed to God to allow my brain to continue to function, to be able to think and remember and retain that. I told God that the body could go but to allow my brain to remain as unaffected as possible. I was reminded of that prayer today as I am burdened with an overwhelming amount of pain. I had some inkling it was on the way yesterday when my skin hurt. I went to cross my legs and the contact stung. My clothes were unbearable and when I got home I couldn't find comfort in sitting or laying.

The night was rough and restless and it has continued into the day. I just hurt. A lot. This cold I have seems worse again today and this is a day where I am tested in trying to retain my humor and patience. I spent the day trying to rest and was able to sleep for a bit. I needed to get to work, to my kids, get things ready for the last of the midweek services tonight. The thought of just sitting up overwhelmed me. Walking to the bathroom would be painful as my legs tried to bend and the bottoms of my feet would ache as I stepped. I knew the water would hurt hitting my skin in the shower. Just this would leave me breathing heavy as if I had had a workout.

I'd still need to get dressed and into the car and off to the church. Once there would come more and just the physical part was intimidating.

Then my phone rang and it was my friend Laura. She was feeding my kids dinner and watching them until and through service and my husband could get there. I cried.

She admonished me to call when I needed help and to remember to keep people (friends) updated on how I was doing so they could help.

It's hard to accept that I am limited. All the things I want to write about this seem trite or cliched and nothing can capture that frustration adequately. I don't like not being able to do even simple things, I don't like not doing things I feel I should be doing. I don't like not being there when I am expected to be. I don't like needing help.

In all this I reminded of how fortunate I am to have God and friends and family who care and are here and want to help. This disease would be a lot worse for all of us-me, the kids, and the husband-without all of them.

Friday, January 23, 2009

post from 1-21-09

I wrote the following on 1-21-09, but blogger was down for maintenance and I am finally getting around to adding it. :)

So, the brain is not working well again today. I am losing words and even forgetting what I am saying mid-sentence. *poof* it's just gone. It's hard to concentrate on anything or form thoughts, or really read anything. Gets frustrating.

I very much again wish I had the digital camera as yesterday I received a really cool gift. It's our last name, crocheted with crochet thread and it is beautiful. My friend had her sister make it and then she set it on black velvet and framed it. I was really overwhelmed by it, it is gorgeous and I was very touched by the gift. Can't wait to put it up on the wall in our newish house.

I am still around, still working with the yarn, and hoping to be able to think a little better tomorrow.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

You know what?

I am actually still crocheting and knitting. You probably can't tell because I seem to barely post about it anymore.

I can't post pictures as the digital camera is suddenly not turning on. Need to contact Kodak as that sucker is just barely a year old. I was pretty bummed to be camera-less through the holidays.

So, I am slowly working on ponchos for the girls out of some super soft variegated yarn one purple, one pink, knitted. I was going to do the two panel style where you sew them together, but I might do the asymmetrical where you do one big rectangle and sew it up. I had made one of the purple panels for Abbie's but it is WAY WAY too small so I'll have to frog it and start over. I moved on and started a large rectangle for Arenne's as I didn't have the heart to immediately frog the purple.

Its slow going as my hands are not always wanting to work as they should, but I am plugging along. I am determined to keep going with the yarn fun for as long as I possibly can, and now I've decided I can call it therapy for the small motor skills. Tee Hee.

I've done a few dishcloths and now that its cold I can get back to the blanket for my sister. So, there it is folks, the yarn is still abundant in the Blue house (much to Mr. Blue's chagrin) and I am plodding along with it.

Friday, January 02, 2009

welcome to 2009

Sometimes the fact that we are almost 10 years in the 2000's really surprises me. I'm sure part of it is not feeling as if I can possibly be the age I am.

The holidays were really fun for us at the Blue house, it was wonderful having all of my siblings home and hanging with the little nephew man who is so absolutely adorable and hilarious and awesome. Seeing my kids be so caring and fun with him was really great and I was very sad to leave them last night. It'd be nice if we all lived near each other, but for now we have to make the most of the time we're together-which we generally do.

I also took a good amount of down time from work, I didn't realize how much I needed it, but it's been very good for me. Nice spending the time with my family and children and just having fun with each other. Also had tons of my mom's delicious cooking which is always welcome and much enjoyed.

Then to today, where I forgot I had a doctor's appt. I completely and absolutely forgot. The husband had the car at work, I was home with the kids and I remembered late this afternoon that I was supposed to go to the neurologist at 11:30 today. This is not good and I now will have to call to see when they can get me in, and I hate missing appts and wasting people's time.

My body has been moving fairly decently with only some mild hiccups. I did have a twitch/jerk episode in front of my sisters' which they haven't really seen before, but they handled it well and just went right on with the conversation. I love that they know me well enough to do this for me, and that they didn't need me to explain or anything. My mind has not been working as well though-as evidenced by the missed doctor's appt. It's just not as sharp, I am losing words more frequently and unable to remember details. Almost as if I am in a fog.

I usually play some online word games or puzzle games to sort of exercise my brain, I haven't really researched whether this has been researched to be helpful but I am pretty sure I read somewhere that it was. It seems to help at least. But, I don't have the drive to even try them right now, its too much work.

I have had days where I could almost forget I have a disease. It is really, really freeing and I am happy to have them. It was nice to not be constantly reminded that I am a *gasp* sick person. I was around family who didn't ask me all the time how I was, who didn't expect me to explain anything, and just accepted me how I was. I had good days physically. I am trying to keep these things at the top of the list and be thankful for them instead of getting sucked down by the bad.

So far, a pretty good start to 2009. No Ozzy shuffling, no inability to walk, not as much pain. Hoorah!