Blue Crochet

The blogs have been few and far between for me, I seem to do more reading of others than posting on my own. Many times it is because I use much of my brain power at work and am too tired to try to get it revved up again. Others it is because my brain, hands, or body have decided not to work that day.

Today is a pain day. Not so long ago I prayed to God to allow my brain to continue to function, to be able to think and remember and retain that. I told God that the body could go but to allow my brain to remain as unaffected as possible. I was reminded of that prayer today as I am burdened with an overwhelming amount of pain. I had some inkling it was on the way yesterday when my skin hurt. I went to cross my legs and the contact stung. My clothes were unbearable and when I got home I couldn't find comfort in sitting or laying.

The night was rough and restless and it has continued into the day. I just hurt. A lot. This cold I have seems worse again today and this is a day where I am tested in trying to retain my humor and patience. I spent the day trying to rest and was able to sleep for a bit. I needed to get to work, to my kids, get things ready for the last of the midweek services tonight. The thought of just sitting up overwhelmed me. Walking to the bathroom would be painful as my legs tried to bend and the bottoms of my feet would ache as I stepped. I knew the water would hurt hitting my skin in the shower. Just this would leave me breathing heavy as if I had had a workout.

I'd still need to get dressed and into the car and off to the church. Once there would come more and just the physical part was intimidating.

Then my phone rang and it was my friend Laura. She was feeding my kids dinner and watching them until and through service and my husband could get there. I cried.

She admonished me to call when I needed help and to remember to keep people (friends) updated on how I was doing so they could help.

It's hard to accept that I am limited. All the things I want to write about this seem trite or cliched and nothing can capture that frustration adequately. I don't like not being able to do even simple things, I don't like not doing things I feel I should be doing. I don't like not being there when I am expected to be. I don't like needing help.

In all this I reminded of how fortunate I am to have God and friends and family who care and are here and want to help. This disease would be a lot worse for all of us-me, the kids, and the husband-without all of them.